Compelled

I feel such an intense urge to create,
I'm so immersed in Beauty.
I see It in Everything.
And I just want to make sure everyone else does too.

A Final Thought for the Night

I have a lot of things swimming around in my head, a wide variety of thoughts.
Some of them are free to the public.
Others are still maturing, but in time will be revealed.
Some are highly confidential, but can find their way out under the right circumstances.
And a select few are locked away deep somewhere in my head.
I don't know exactly what they are, but I can feel them.
They have certainly made their presence known.
The problem is, I can't quite get at them, for I have lost the key.
But I'm hoping to stumble upon the person who has found it.


Just something that popped into my head as I was preparing to go to sleep. Figured I'd post it before it got locked away too.

Just Another Night

The music, oh what great music there was tonight.
A smile on my face, a feeling in my gut, my fingers moving to and fro across the fret board.
The tips of my fingers feel sore as I type, I haven't played so intensely in a while.

The words, oh what powerful words I read tonight.
A conclusion to a wonderful story, a message left resonating in my head, my thoughts racing and my neurons firing.
My head nearly begins to ache, too many late night musings off of too little sleep.

This emotion, oh this familiar emotion I feel tonight.
A desire for something more, a longing to break through this veil, to make that plunge and take the next step.
My body can barely contain it, such an immense warmth clinging to my skin.

My inspiration is high.

My eyes are wide.

My heart and mind are open.

I can't yet touch it, but I can feel it, a little stronger than last time.

And I truly, sincerely believe that it may at last be within my grasp.

That thing, oh that illusive thing I've been craving every night.
A glimmer of it here, a whisper of it there, another subtle hint that leads me further down the rabbit hole.
My gut tells me I've picked up on its trail and I'm gaining on it.

Just need to push farther, reach, strain, accelerate, until....(!!!!)

---------------------------------------------------------------

Or perhaps that's just wishful thinking.
Maybe I've been up dreaming too long, like every other night.

I guess that makes it time to go to sleep.

What to Say

There's no point in getting too picky with my word choice at this hour.
I often find myself struggling to choose the right words (if they even exist) when it comes to this subject anyway.

Full of such energy, such passion;
She'll leave you behind if you can't keep up,
But she has so much to offer if you can keep your feet.

She's about as much as I can handle, if not more so;
I can't imagine trying to present her to anyone else (they wouldn't even be remotely prepared).

She can handle it all. And then some.
She's a warrior, and a trip and a half (likely more).

I have such special images of her floating in my head;
The image of a pretty smile and a mesmerized gaze from across the camp fire,
The thought of her energy as she gyrates with high octane intensity (such a joy to watch),
The look on her face that I could only discern from the lighting in the venue.

I'm happy enough just knowing that someone like this exists;
Each moment I spend with her is just an extra bonus.

I've learned a great deal in these past 6-8 months (about myself, about others, about everything...)
You've been a unique part of it, and I'm certain you have more to offer.

A Learned Man

Some might describe me as an intellectual, an academic. In the eyes of some I'm simply a compilation of accolades, awards, and certificates of recognition. I've been dubbed a "human calculator" on many occasions (we are all human calculators, some just happen to work better than others).

I study mathematics, a field that has a habit of making most people cringe and stay away (I can't say I blame them). Yet, I feel fortunate that my passion lies in this area, as it seems so intrinsic to the world that surrounds us.

I often find myself almost feeling bad for other people. To think, they don't have the opportunity to witness the world in the same beautiful way I do! Perhaps people of all types and backgrounds feel this way. We all have our own personal window to the world, and at times we wonder how these windows might differ. That in itself is a beautiful thing to me.

It's funny how natural it is to make the leap from intelligence to one's particular area of study in the classroom. Intellect has a tendency to get linked with academia and school-taught education, and yet I've done my most significant learning in settings that lie outside of the classroom.

Certainly, a whole host of brilliant educators have taught me a great deal of things and shared their knowledge with me. Still, what I've learned on my own I consider far more important and insightful. Above all else, I've learned enough to realize that I know nothing.

And I'm trying to change that.

The Light that Slays the Darkness

I want to be hopeless,
in a fight I can't possibly win,
in a situation where I'll be made to surrender.

I want to be outside of "me," whatever "I" am in the first place,
to see with my two windows to the world the All that I know I'm a part of.

I want to silence my ego,
I've heard enough of what it has to say.
I'd much rather replace the noise it makes with the beautiful sounds of the sheet music.

I want the light to shine and show me what I know lies hidden in front of me,
to allow my senses to realize at least a glimpse of their full potential.

The Light that Slays the Darkness.

"Soul Searching"

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately,
Thinking about myself, prodding away at my own mind,
Trying to chip away to find what lies beneath the surface.
Soul searching some might call it, but you need a soul to do that.
I'm not so sure I have one, or that anyone does for that matter.

Or at least I wasn't so sure.

I've learned a great deal about myself recently.
I have a greater appreciation for who I am, I have found my happiness.
Most importantly, I have come to my own spiritual revelation of sorts.
For the first time, I truly feel that there is something separate from the body,
Some consciousness that exists independently from the body,
Something that permeates beyond just the physical self.

I suppose now I've found that soul of mine.

Time to unearth what secrets it's been keeping from me.