It took me nearly a year to turn the safety off...
How much longer until I pull the trigger?
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
A New Day
 |
| This is worth a whole lot more than 1,000 words to me |
Huddling together for warmth, sprawled across a cold blue sky.
Slowly they drift through the air, still half asleep.
The sun creeps into view, its warmth touches all,
And the world awakes.
What a thrill it is to be alive.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Present
Everyone radiates energy,
but energy that strong and that positive, that welcoming,
that's uncommon.
As human beings, I feel there is nothing more valuable than the relationships we create, the connections we forge with others.
Sometimes we go out in search of special relationships, we work for them and don't expect them to come easily.
But other times, they just have a way of falling into place.
Sometimes, a person just shows up in your life (and at the perfect time).
You're one of those people.
And so I found myself naturally gravitating towards you, like a moth is drawn towards a light source.
You were (and are) such an interesting person, always exuding such liveliness and, above all else, happiness, happiness which had long been escaping me.
I had been searching for my own happiness for some time, but had little to no success in finding it.
I've spent an increasing amount of time with you, and in turn you've had a growing impact on my life.
Whenever I've needed someone to go to, and not necessarily to voice any particular concern, I knew you would always be able to put my mind at ease.
I could spend 15 minutes with you, exchanging very few words except a simple hello, and that would be enough.
But our time together hasn't always been spent sitting in silence, far from it.
I've had incredible conversations with you that lasted for hours, felt like minutes, but taught me things that will endure for a lifetime.
You've showed me fun that I didn't even think was possible, exposed me to experiences beyond my imagination, moments that are beautiful beyond reckoning, and in turn have allowed me to integrate these things into my daily life.
I've been exposed to a multitude of brilliant minds and excellent teachers during my time at school,
But you've been the greatest teacher of all, and you didn't even need to try, you just needed to be yourself.
From the start, it was that seemingly constant happiness of yours that drew me in, as it was such a mystery to me.
But now, I think I finally understand it.
After spending time with you and observing your approach to everyday life, it has become clear that what separates you from most people is your ability to live in the present, to bring such vibrant energy to each new moment of your life.
You always seem to be in control of what direction your life is heading, or at least in as much control as you possibly could be.
You live your life in the driver's seat, and for too long I was simply a passenger going along for the ride in mine.
I've now learned to truly be myself and to love who I am, to enjoy my time with the people who are around (they are the ones that usually matter anyway) instead of worrying about who isn't there, to share my happiness (which I have certainly found) instead of simply relying on the happiness of others, to acknowledge the past but keep my focus on what's happening now.
I've never felt so in tune with myself and my life, and I owe that to you.
That's been your greatest gift to me,
and so this is my gift to you.
A present for the man whose shown me how to live in the present.
Happy birthday buddy.
but energy that strong and that positive, that welcoming,
that's uncommon.
As human beings, I feel there is nothing more valuable than the relationships we create, the connections we forge with others.
Sometimes we go out in search of special relationships, we work for them and don't expect them to come easily.
But other times, they just have a way of falling into place.
Sometimes, a person just shows up in your life (and at the perfect time).
You're one of those people.
And so I found myself naturally gravitating towards you, like a moth is drawn towards a light source.
You were (and are) such an interesting person, always exuding such liveliness and, above all else, happiness, happiness which had long been escaping me.
I had been searching for my own happiness for some time, but had little to no success in finding it.
I've spent an increasing amount of time with you, and in turn you've had a growing impact on my life.
Whenever I've needed someone to go to, and not necessarily to voice any particular concern, I knew you would always be able to put my mind at ease.
I could spend 15 minutes with you, exchanging very few words except a simple hello, and that would be enough.
But our time together hasn't always been spent sitting in silence, far from it.
I've had incredible conversations with you that lasted for hours, felt like minutes, but taught me things that will endure for a lifetime.
You've showed me fun that I didn't even think was possible, exposed me to experiences beyond my imagination, moments that are beautiful beyond reckoning, and in turn have allowed me to integrate these things into my daily life.
I've been exposed to a multitude of brilliant minds and excellent teachers during my time at school,
But you've been the greatest teacher of all, and you didn't even need to try, you just needed to be yourself.
From the start, it was that seemingly constant happiness of yours that drew me in, as it was such a mystery to me.
But now, I think I finally understand it.
After spending time with you and observing your approach to everyday life, it has become clear that what separates you from most people is your ability to live in the present, to bring such vibrant energy to each new moment of your life.
You always seem to be in control of what direction your life is heading, or at least in as much control as you possibly could be.
You live your life in the driver's seat, and for too long I was simply a passenger going along for the ride in mine.
I've now learned to truly be myself and to love who I am, to enjoy my time with the people who are around (they are the ones that usually matter anyway) instead of worrying about who isn't there, to share my happiness (which I have certainly found) instead of simply relying on the happiness of others, to acknowledge the past but keep my focus on what's happening now.
I've never felt so in tune with myself and my life, and I owe that to you.
That's been your greatest gift to me,
and so this is my gift to you.
A present for the man whose shown me how to live in the present.
Happy birthday buddy.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Time
I can't always remember the exact days, nor can I always recall the setting.
The only thing I can distinctly remember, and all I need to remember, is that feeling,
That realization I return to in my truest moments of clarity.
We have a tendency to get caught up in things that, ultimately, are of little importance.
It can be easy to lose sight of the critical things in life, to become blind to the answers that lie right in front of you.
It happens to me all of the time, but sooner or later, I stumble upon that familiar truth (or at least it seems true enough to me), and that is that despite how it often seems not to be the case, time is our friend, and not our enemy.
When I'm able to recognize that time is on my side, those are the moments when I truly love life the most.
The only thing I can distinctly remember, and all I need to remember, is that feeling,
That realization I return to in my truest moments of clarity.
We have a tendency to get caught up in things that, ultimately, are of little importance.
It can be easy to lose sight of the critical things in life, to become blind to the answers that lie right in front of you.
It happens to me all of the time, but sooner or later, I stumble upon that familiar truth (or at least it seems true enough to me), and that is that despite how it often seems not to be the case, time is our friend, and not our enemy.
When I'm able to recognize that time is on my side, those are the moments when I truly love life the most.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
A Dream
What a beautiful dream I had last night.
The emotions felt so powerful, the imagery is still so sharp.
That smile seemed so real.
But it was only a dream.
The emotions felt so powerful, the imagery is still so sharp.
That smile seemed so real.
But it was only a dream.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Love
I love my life.
I love the way I live it.
And I love the people who are a part of it,
the people who shape it, the people who define it,
the people who make it worth living.
I love the way I live it.
And I love the people who are a part of it,
the people who shape it, the people who define it,
the people who make it worth living.
Monday, November 14, 2011
When Pencil Meets Paper
Just a little stream of consciousness session I had a few weeks back, decided I'd post it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Free thinking, thoughts flowing down my arm and to my fingertips,
The pencil is on the page, and its motion should remain continuous,
The train is coming, so lay the tracks down.
I look out the window and see a dreary, rainy night.
Empty sidewalks, guess no one has a reason to leave their room and head elsewhere.
Neither do I.
Stationed at my desk, headphones on, monitor displaying dazzling colors and patterns.
I get lost in the colors, the lines, the circles, the swirls, the fluid motion.
Not much else to do in these situations but let the mind wander.
The urge to create is intense.
Whether to arrive at some new perspective or outlook,
to find that perfect blend of notes to create new music,
to find a way to convert the kaleidoscope of thoughts into words.
That last one I tend to do a bit more delicately, but perhaps breaking down the barriers and letting the words spill out unchallenged will provide something new, something fresh.
Random thought, but I have been noticing the beauty of life more and more these days,
The irony of certain situations, the subtle humor life sends your way,
The sequences of daily comfort, stressful situations, and personal escapes.
It's such a fascinating life we all live.
Spinning our spider web and connecting ourselves to the other souls we deem important.
The feelings and emotions we attach to everything, it is all so intriguing.
We move through life with a certain sense of entitlement, as if the world owes us, but really we are entitled to nothing.
We simply have the option to observe, to ponder, to create,
and in turn, we construct whatever little picture of the world we want.
Life is just a constant attempt to make the picture you are most comfortable with,
The one that seems to make the most sense.
You know, I just broke the rule.
The pencil left the paper, I stopped and took a quick read of what I've said.
"I bet this will sound like jumbled chaos," was what I was thinking.
And it kind of did.
But still, their seemed like a sense of continuity to it.
I suppose I would see the correlation between it all,
These are my thoughts after all.
At times, I wonder if others are able to see what I see.
I like to think that I can find the correct words to convey the thoughts in my head; I have been trying to at least.
As much as the thoughts are my own and can never truly be anyone else's, I feel it is essential to share the thoughts and ideas you deem most critical.
It gives others a deeper look into who you are, an opportunity to see past the surface that is all the average eye sees.
There is such a collection of people out there, the diversity is beyond comprehension.
Beyond, there lies a universe of a size that is vastly beyond reckoning.
Phenomena of an order past our ability to understand happen at all times throughout our evolving cosmos.
Yet every atom, every gaseous, nebulous cloud, each star within each galaxy within each cluster, every particle, every chunk of rock, every life form, every mind is all bound together by some illusive cosmic glue.
I have felt it, we are all it, and hopefully one day we will all have the power to recognize it.
At times, it tries to reveal itself to us, and yet we fight it, we desperately resist it, that thing which is so powerful it is almost overwhelming.
But one day, it WILL overwhelm us.
It will lose its patience and will make itself known to all.
And when it does, love will prosper.
My head is like a pinball machine, thoughts bouncing all over the place.
I try to connect the dots, but keeping up sometimes seems futile.
That is why I feel it may be best to not even try.
It is impossible to follow a specific, direct line of thoughts to the answer you are truly looking to find.
All you can expect and hope for is a general transformation of your thinking over time, a noticeable movement of ideas toward something, a trend line that points somewhere.
You cannot actually reach it, but in the end, do you really want to?
Life is about the search, a search that fails to end.
Surely finding the answers would leave life a bit stale.
It would fill our lives with a certain stagnation that we wish to avoid.
We crave progression, so it's a good thing that life consistently progresses and moves forward without asking if we mind.
I suppose there has been something rather refreshing about this.
A nice little personal adventure of spontaneous creativity.
No worries of making sure my ideas are well-sculpted and presentable to the outside world.
No eyes that observe what I do and need to be satisfied.
No need to even really satisfy myself.
Just an attempt to find a more fulfilling way to spend some free time.
In a way, it has been therapeutic.
I feel at ease and very content with myself, my life, and my surroundings.
Life will move forward from here, and I will have the opportunity to take something away from each new experience, even the bad ones.
Especially the bad ones.
All knowledge is beautiful if you simply let it be.
One particular piece of knowledge has become increasingly apparent for me in recent months.
Life is beautiful, we are all connected in some way, and love is plentiful.
So wherever you are, there is no need to worry.
You will find love, and that's if it doesn't find you first.
I am finding that I can do this without end, but perhaps it may be time to stop.
I have managed to express many things that were taking refuge in my head.
I feel a certain sense of clarity, something I am not all too familiar with.
Time to let things get cluttered up there again, until it becomes time for them to burst out and emerge to the outside world, where they will then float, float, float, float, float, float, float away...
AND
RADIATE
----------------------------------------------------------------
Free thinking, thoughts flowing down my arm and to my fingertips,
The pencil is on the page, and its motion should remain continuous,
The train is coming, so lay the tracks down.
I look out the window and see a dreary, rainy night.
Empty sidewalks, guess no one has a reason to leave their room and head elsewhere.
Neither do I.
Stationed at my desk, headphones on, monitor displaying dazzling colors and patterns.
I get lost in the colors, the lines, the circles, the swirls, the fluid motion.
Not much else to do in these situations but let the mind wander.
The urge to create is intense.
Whether to arrive at some new perspective or outlook,
to find that perfect blend of notes to create new music,
to find a way to convert the kaleidoscope of thoughts into words.
That last one I tend to do a bit more delicately, but perhaps breaking down the barriers and letting the words spill out unchallenged will provide something new, something fresh.
Random thought, but I have been noticing the beauty of life more and more these days,
The irony of certain situations, the subtle humor life sends your way,
The sequences of daily comfort, stressful situations, and personal escapes.
It's such a fascinating life we all live.
Spinning our spider web and connecting ourselves to the other souls we deem important.
The feelings and emotions we attach to everything, it is all so intriguing.
We move through life with a certain sense of entitlement, as if the world owes us, but really we are entitled to nothing.
We simply have the option to observe, to ponder, to create,
and in turn, we construct whatever little picture of the world we want.
Life is just a constant attempt to make the picture you are most comfortable with,
The one that seems to make the most sense.
You know, I just broke the rule.
The pencil left the paper, I stopped and took a quick read of what I've said.
"I bet this will sound like jumbled chaos," was what I was thinking.
And it kind of did.
But still, their seemed like a sense of continuity to it.
I suppose I would see the correlation between it all,
These are my thoughts after all.
At times, I wonder if others are able to see what I see.
I like to think that I can find the correct words to convey the thoughts in my head; I have been trying to at least.
As much as the thoughts are my own and can never truly be anyone else's, I feel it is essential to share the thoughts and ideas you deem most critical.
It gives others a deeper look into who you are, an opportunity to see past the surface that is all the average eye sees.
There is such a collection of people out there, the diversity is beyond comprehension.
Beyond, there lies a universe of a size that is vastly beyond reckoning.
Phenomena of an order past our ability to understand happen at all times throughout our evolving cosmos.
Yet every atom, every gaseous, nebulous cloud, each star within each galaxy within each cluster, every particle, every chunk of rock, every life form, every mind is all bound together by some illusive cosmic glue.
I have felt it, we are all it, and hopefully one day we will all have the power to recognize it.
At times, it tries to reveal itself to us, and yet we fight it, we desperately resist it, that thing which is so powerful it is almost overwhelming.
But one day, it WILL overwhelm us.
It will lose its patience and will make itself known to all.
And when it does, love will prosper.
My head is like a pinball machine, thoughts bouncing all over the place.
I try to connect the dots, but keeping up sometimes seems futile.
That is why I feel it may be best to not even try.
It is impossible to follow a specific, direct line of thoughts to the answer you are truly looking to find.
All you can expect and hope for is a general transformation of your thinking over time, a noticeable movement of ideas toward something, a trend line that points somewhere.
You cannot actually reach it, but in the end, do you really want to?
Life is about the search, a search that fails to end.
Surely finding the answers would leave life a bit stale.
It would fill our lives with a certain stagnation that we wish to avoid.
We crave progression, so it's a good thing that life consistently progresses and moves forward without asking if we mind.
I suppose there has been something rather refreshing about this.
A nice little personal adventure of spontaneous creativity.
No worries of making sure my ideas are well-sculpted and presentable to the outside world.
No eyes that observe what I do and need to be satisfied.
No need to even really satisfy myself.
Just an attempt to find a more fulfilling way to spend some free time.
In a way, it has been therapeutic.
I feel at ease and very content with myself, my life, and my surroundings.
Life will move forward from here, and I will have the opportunity to take something away from each new experience, even the bad ones.
Especially the bad ones.
All knowledge is beautiful if you simply let it be.
One particular piece of knowledge has become increasingly apparent for me in recent months.
Life is beautiful, we are all connected in some way, and love is plentiful.
So wherever you are, there is no need to worry.
You will find love, and that's if it doesn't find you first.
I am finding that I can do this without end, but perhaps it may be time to stop.
I have managed to express many things that were taking refuge in my head.
I feel a certain sense of clarity, something I am not all too familiar with.
Time to let things get cluttered up there again, until it becomes time for them to burst out and emerge to the outside world, where they will then float, float, float, float, float, float, float away...
AND
RADIATE
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